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February 23, 2005

So now I am trying to figure out if I have a boyfriend or not. It's a funny situationreally. Because if I do, I'm not supposed to, but if I don't, I know that I bloody well should given the situation. It's all very confusing, and it is eating away at me. It kept me awake for an hour and a bit last night trying to figure out what the hell is going on here. He likes me. I like him. We're not together, or are we? It's just all spinning around in my head, and I have no idea what is going on around me.

But anyhow, this was all triggered yesterday when I went out with Aaron, Adam and Brody. Double dating... it's like the staple of the mormon diet or something. But anyhow, we went and saw 'The House of Flying Daggers', which actually wasn't too bad. Not as good as 'Hero', but pretty good all the same. Aaron got lost on the way to my house AGAIN. I didn't think that it was possible, but apparently it is. Anyhow, he got here, we hung out at my place for a little while, because, you know, it was really hot out, and he really needed a drink. So I went and got him a glass of water while I ran around like a chicken with my head cut off getting all of my gear together. He was already running nearly half and hour late, so we figured another five minutes wouldn't kill anyone.

We set off to Brody's place, and nearly got lost on the way there. Aaron told me that once I got him to a certain road, he would be able to find his way. NOT THE CASE! I'm never trusting that guy's sense of direction again! It's worse than mine!! That is just insane! But yeah, we got there, I met Brody, turns out she is really nice, and went to the shopping centre, where we were meeting Adam. Then we went to Hungry's and had dinner. Aaron and I stood around for ages looking at the menu, I think even the people that got there half an hour after us got their meals before we did! So yeah, we ate, and then we all decided to go for a walk around the lake, much reminiscent of when we went for the walk by the river in town. Same thing ended up happening, we split into two groups, Aaron and I, and Adam and Brody. Aaron and I ended up sittnig down somewhere by the water, talking for a really long time. It was a little different to the first time though.

Because this time he kissed me.

That wasn't supposed to happen. We are supposed to be doing the 'friends that like each other' thing. Not the 'kissing by the lake' thing. After that, kinda had to ask him why it happened, to which point he said that he had always wanted to kiss me, and thought that he would give it a go. I then asked him what he thought of it, and he said that he wouldn't mind doing it again. Needless to say that resulted in more kissing. More kissing was gooooood kissing though. Is it okay to be kissin gthe guy that isn't your boyfriend? Especially when you know that he is leaving, and that really, he shouldn't be kissing you, because his religion is VERY much strict on that sort of thing, and it is only ever supposed to happen when you are dating someone.

After that there was the awkwardness, and then Adam and Brody caught up to us and we went to the movies. The movie was pretty good. For parts of it I was more focussed on Aaron, who had promptly decided to do the hand holding, cuddling thing, but a good movie all the same. It's just... it's weird, because I KNOW we're not supposed to be dating, we decided so! We're not going out! But we're acting like we are. I'm getting really confused.

Anyhow, after the movie, Adam and Brody went to go and get ice cream, and Aaron and I went to go and get the car. Adam and Brody came back with ice cream, they had bought us some, and I had to tell them I didn't like ice cream, so Aaron ate mine. But yeah, we dropped everyone home, and then Aaron took me home. He opened the door for me, and walked me up to my door (he opens doors for me all the time and all of that other long dead chivalry stuff, it's so cool). And yeah, we said our goodnights, and in a move that i swear came straight out of the movies, as I was going to open to the door, he grabbed my wrist, spun me around and kissed me again.

See, this whole thing is playing out like a fairy tale. It's beautiful, romantic, and it's everything that a relationship isn't, and I think that is why I am so willing to let it happen. Even though I know that othing can come of it, I'm just so ready to be swept off my feet by some Prince Charming. And he is playing the part of Prince Charming, by being so incredibly perfect for me, and treating me like some sort of princess. I have never felt more well-looked-after than I do with him, and it scares me, because I know that by letting myself get attached to this guy, I'm going to be totally shattered when he leaves. It'll tear me apart, and I don't want it to happen, but I know that there is nothing that I can do to stop it.

And that is why I'm confused at the moment!

Love to all

Kimmy blogged @ | 11:09 AM |